brainslush.

sometimes exceptional ideas are kind of gushing out of my brain,my so called 'creative moments' ,but everytime i have one of those rare and very special moments, i'm either far away from any piece of paper or pencil, or i don't know how to sort my ideas and everything ends up in extraordinary flash flood or even in endless chaos. what is most annoying is if you have such a moment at 2 am. i don't want to stand up and note down what came into my mind, although i know if i don't do so i would forget everything until morning.. so i wake up like: ' fuck! i had this unbelievably great idea last nigt but i can't remember what it was about!' sometimes i remember through the day, but most times i'm just mad at myself because i didn't write my ideas down, so they are lost in space until forever.

friday night.

friday night - people meet friends,go out,party or if you're lucky and live in the US you're probably watching Fringe - but i had to sit at home. mom isn't there to drive me somewhere so i'm trapped in that fucking damned village. no bus. i could again start telling you how much i hate it, but actually being alone on fridays is sometimes quite good too. i started drawing the Fringe season two's poster - the DVD-box was lying around somewhere in my room and actually i did not stop drawing until it was completely dark outside and in my room and i didn't  feel my right hand anymore. do you know that strange feeling when your drawing and drawing and then you kind of 'awake' and recognize the music you've been listening to had stopped nearly a hour before without you noticing it? well, i had something like that yesterday, i think it is pure creativity.Creativity drowns every other Feeling.

black.

monday i went shopping with my lovely friend vreni ♥ i was really frustrated at the end because she found lots of great stuff and i felt like she would buy and buy and buy 'till all of the shops are completely empty and i found nearly nothing that i liked or that fitted. i just bought an H&M basic long top, some floral lace tights and another top from Ann Christine - everything black - and a golden swallow necklace from Ann Christine too. i think i'm too discriminating in buying clothes. i'm always thinking twice and i'm always thinking: 'would you still wear that in 3 months ?' maybe that's the mistake.

a thousand suns.

LINKIN PARK IS GOING TO COME TO MUNICH!

i can't believe it! i've been hoping and waiting for such a long time to see them live, just once in my life and now i really have the chance to! unbelievable! Linkin Park, just around the corner! OMG. June 25th will probably be the most spectacular,wonderful and staggering night this year! and i can't wait to order some tickets and actually until that day.. i love the music and especially the new album of linkin park, their new metal/electro mix and the way they perform live.. i've seen it on MTV several times, but standing there in the crowd would be so phantastic! ♥ ♥

cold gold.

i had quite the shock of my life today as i stepped on the scales again after nearly a half of the year - this is not my weight, isn' it ?! but it was and i could have hit myself so hard for having aten so much chocolate in the past few weeks without doing any sports, so i decided - actually the first time in my life - to go jogging. i never brought myself to do that before but as i went out, listening to breathe carolina, i really felt good. it was a cold and little bit foggy day but the sun was shining in an awesome golden light and while running i just thought about nothing, i just breathed in and out, in and out and somehow i had to smile. that feeling however lasted only about 15min. after that i didn't feel my legs anymore and breathing wasn't that easy anymore too. and i was so relieved that i made it home after finally 40min of - in the end - pain. now, after having taken a shower i'm just lying in my bed and hoping that i will be able to walk tomorrow.. but i will do it again, i really have to lose some weight before bikini-season starts again, and in spite of everything i feel a little satisfied and better right now because i know i've done something reasonable today.

obsession.

i'm really afraid of myself right now. maybe i'm boring you, but this kind of Fringe-Obsession gets really weird. i'm seeing things that don't exist, i'm seeing Fringe just in everything, even the absurdest things remind me of Fringe, is this normal anymore ? NO. it's freaky, i'm gettin' insane, just like Walter did. i'm even interested in brains, chemistry and science now, i really want to know if those horrific things are possible in reality too. but that's what makes the series so unbelievable authentic,realistic and phantastic in the end. yesterday i watched the second seasons final episodes and those two are the most exciting,emotional and shocking ones, they're just awesome. after two seasons of hoping and keeping your fingers crossed, finally Peter and Olivia find together. i knew it, everyone knew it just by their first meeting in the pilot, these two have to come together. they are so adorable together and this is what makes the whole thing so much more dramatic. our Olivia is now kept in the alternative Universe and Peter doesn't recognize he's dating the alternate, the 'evil' Olivia. this is such a captivating story, i can't stop watching - yeah, i am obsessed.

black.

"an extraordinary intoxicating masterpiece"

yesterday was a really wonderful day. a friend of mine had her 17th birthday and we went out, first an absolutely delicious sushi & chinese buffet, then cinema and finally we went to a party, located in an old prision. we watched black swan and this is such a fantastic movie, it absolutely deserves his 5 Oscar nominations. a dark,dramatic and horror atmosphere basked in a classic ballet romance. i love the story and the confusion of truth and delusion, you never know if it is real or not, you don't even know if those horrible things are just pictures to express the unbelievable pressure and the ambition for perfection. and it does not happen that often that the whole audience keeps sitting and keeps so unbelievably quiet after a movie ended. it was a - oh wow, what a impressing movie - silence. breathtaking.

dropdead.

time for a brand new DROPDEAD-wishlist. i think you know the grey sweatshirt already; i keep talking and thinking about it in some older posts and at the moment they would even have it in stock, so what keeps me from ordering ? nothing. maybe the thing that it's a bit expensive. $50. but i think it's worth it, and no one up here would wear the same, just because of the fact that you can't buy it in stores here in germany. this is what i hate about it. we've got only one Urban Outfitters store here, and that store is about 800km away from me. i hate it. i hate that there is no newlook, no primark, no babycakes, no dropdead, no topshop, just h&m, nothing else. it sucks. germany sucks.

crap.

i'm feeling like my brain is completely flooded with crap. i'm connecting everything to Fringe. i have to only switch the radio on , hear a song and i keep thinking i would hear a variation of the Fringe theme in it. i should really stop watching it that frequently. but it is a way of screwing myself. i keep saying to my brain i'm doing something for school if i watch the episodes in english and it accepts. it does work and that is frightening. so it is not just Fringe that floods my brain, it is fashion, drawing or rather the need to draw, words, and some strange ideas for my human-machine. i feel like my brain is drowning in that wave of information and confusing thoughts, i feel like it is ready to explode sometimes.. what leads me back to Fringe.. brain and exploding heads. uuh ♥ what i need is some space in there, endless space. my brain is so confused and flooded with crap that i'm kind of physically present while my thoughts are flying out, exploring the galaxy and i don't get anything people tell me. kind of annoying for my friends i think :P

oh my gosh. space is so unbeliveably inspiring. endless and unxplored darkness spotted with some sparkling stars and misterious nebulae. black holes and dark matter. we will never reach the end of it. infinity. infinity and endless space, endless possibilities and endless inspiration.

over the moon.

first i didn't make a complete idiot of myself at the meeting with the canadians & i'm really satisfied with myself too because i was brave enough to even ask some questions without making some stupid mistakes. :D those guys were really awesome, they told us a lot about ice hockey and canada and at the end we all got some autographs and a free ticket for the match on friday. that's so cool, i've never been to any ice hockey game so i'm definitely going to take the chance and watch the game. and second as i came home today from school i opened the letter box and found a small brown package adressed to me. while i was wondering what might be in there i suddenly remembered i ordered something last sunday. it was the second season of FRINGE. i quickly opened the package and yeah it was really in there - oh my gosh - they were really fast and i could hardly stop myself from jumping around in the house . . i love this series and now i can watch the complete second season and get the whole background story of peter, olivia, walter and the alternative universe. so i'm gonna finish here right now to watch the first episode ;D how could that day have been better ? ♥