darkness.

it's a weird day. normal people feel awesome when they get extraordinary school certificates, but i got depressed. i could study nearly everything with my grades, but i don't want to, i want to study industrial design or interior design and for this you don't need the grades, you need the talent and you need to pass the qualifying examinations. so when i held that paper in my hands today i started having doubts about my future plans - why should i waste the grades and with them all the effort it took to get them (well, not that much actually..) ? i could study mathematics or physics, i'd been better there than in arts this year, but i know i do have an extreme passion and ambition in arts - why should i waste that? so well, i'm in a kind of struggle now, i can't decide , the only real alternative for me would be becoming astronaut, BUT: there are only 15 in europe, two or three of them german - the chance gettin in there is pretty low, huh? and i don't want to study air and space technology anyway.. and my mother doesn't make it better, she always tries to keep me from studying something design related, she doesn't believe i'm strong enough or talented enough or whatever.. but you know what - now i'm really convinced doing the design thing, i want to prove it to her, to myself and this course in munich is just PERFECT. i can even learn japanese, do an exchange year and three months of work expirience in a foreign company - sounds too awesome. I NEED IT.

PS: if you wonder, i was in a quite dark mood, so i simply had to delete some of the old posts i found too stupid for still being here.