the end.

This year ends in exactly 6h 45min and i'm sitting here thinking about what happened in the past while they are already celebrating the new year in shanghai. it all started with a wonderful new years eve at marie's, together with my girls ♥ we nearly burned the curtain with a candle.. actually it burned already but we recognized early enough, we had lots of delicious food and the time until 12pm went away too fast. i bought my first snowboard and my so loved holga ♥ it was a rainy and grey summer but i had lots of fun anyway, i thankfully changed my style from wannabee-emo to a dark and more serious one, i improved my skills in drawing and doing the splits, i had wonderful nights with my girls, i visited berlin ♥ ; venice ♥ ; verona ♥ and athens ♥, i expirienced lots of unbelievable; beautiful ; strange and amusing things with my best friend, i got my driving license (after vainly trying it 3 times..),i found and lost a love, i dyed my hair chocolate brown, i had lots of amazing parties and finally i started this blog. my new years resolutions are to draw and draw and draw, to spend less time in facebook, to improve my style, to do more sports and to learn some Japanese. i know i won't keep them up but it's good to have some aims you can reach within a year or if not you can work on them the next year. so i wish you all a nice new years eve, a wonderful 2011 and fortune to be always with you. ♥


YES! first Holga photos are digitalised now! i finally got my negative scanner working so i can show you some of the best shots.. :D

Photos taken with HOLGA 120 GCFN


So at the moment i'm packing all my stuff for a wonderful
 ski- & snowboard trip with my best friend tomorrow. 
i'm soo looking forward! i know she's much better 
and faster on her skis than me on my snowboard
 but we'll having fun anyway :D 
with funparks, hot chocolate and hopefully sunshine ♥

cold dreams - pictures from


i could just explode right now! all i wanted is to connect the negative scanner with my notebook but that doesn't work! those unbelievable birdbrained people didn't send me the right driver. i could kill them!! how could you be so dumb and forget that windows 7 does exist for more than a year now and send a driver only for vista instead? i tried 4 hours to get it working. nothing. i'm so aggressive right now. all i wanted is to load some holga photos up. what a drama.


travelling to japan is one of the things i'll definitely do
in my life. i just have to go there and if i look at all those
wonderful pictures i could just pack my bags ; drive to the
airport and instantly fly to tokyo. i LOVE all this colorful and cute
plastic stuff, the signs and the language, the food, just everything ♥
japan ; you're my destination!

japan - photos from


we've been watching a movie about a older women, whose job is drawing kind of strange things, in my art course. now i feel very bad because this women is just full of never ending inspiration and she's just travelling and drawing, although i really hate her drawings, they are just too brown and always the same.. no question that she's good at drawing but there is no connection between her art and me. i really wish i had more time for drawing or painting at home so i'm really looking forward to have a lot of free time in the holidays now for that stuff. i'll get a notebook and a negative-scanner for christmas so i'll be able to post some holga photos & i'm absolutely glad that i don't have to sit in front of this unbelievable slow working computer anymore O__o but i really have to be careful not to spend my whole day surfing in the internet with the new notebook, i'd rather draw something.. ^-^

strange dreams.

" i was sitting in my chemistry course when a loud alarm resounded. it was a homicidial maniac warning. we all were shocked and started searching our capsules with synthetic blood , broke them open and layed down on the floor. a few seconds later the homicidial maniac came in and wanted to shoot us all down, he stopped because all those 'blooding' people on the floor canfused him. my teacher used this short moment to take her prepared plastic squirt gun she filled with acid before and shoot at his hands and his face. the acid burned everything and the homicidial maniac collapsed."

what a strange dream. acid in a plastic gun and a homicidial maniac in my school ? i'm really afraid now.. what does that nightmare mean ? one of those dream readers would call me insane i think.. i searched for blood ; gun ; homicidial maniac ; school ; etc. on some shady websites and they all predicted me hard tests and a bad future. oh wow how nice.. but i don't really believe in this shit. dreams are a way of working with your impressions ; feelings and expieriences of the day and they are NOT predestinating your future. i would have been dead for a long time, 'cause of so much crap i dreamed in my life already o__O


because of unbeliavable boredom i started drawing some looks i want to wear and post in the problem is that i don't have all the things i need for those looks. i need this absolutely wonderful grey sweatshirt from . but it's really expensive . . about $50 ( shipping included ) and it's sold out anyway =/ WHYYY ?! it's sold out every second week..! i could maybe buy one of the boys section, not necessarily from dropdead but from any other store. oh i really have to go to munich this weekend ^-^ maybe they have this jacket again in my size i wanted to buy last time at ann chrisine's, and those dr-marten-like shoes. . or those fake 'ugg-boots'.. dark or medium brown ? hm. and i really need some christmas presents . . okey i will go to munich, that's for sure :D 
but there is one last, sad news : yesterday the last episode of Fringe was shown in german tv. it's a kind of mystery-series & i really liked it ( not only for those nasty cases of death ^-^ ) at the end you're always thinking everything went good, but then in the last minute you know it didn't. i love this strain and the O-M-G-effect ♥


today i keept the whole day with baking and decorating some was a lot of fun & the kitchen was a real mess afterwards . . my little sister helped me, we're both not a kind of super chef but the cookies got really delicious ♥ nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom :D yeah it's a colorful christmas this year.. we dyed the icing with food coloring so we could paint some yellow stars and red hearts and green fir trees and so on ;D baking is so much fun! we filled two baking sheets with our colorful-cookie-creations ♥ ♥ 
& no, those cookies in the picture are NOT ours ; ours are just too awful to post c:


i really have to order some things from ; they have absolutely awesome basics and i fucking love this onlineshop. some nice tops and sweaters i really need. a lot of black things but nope, i'm not gothic or something like that . . i'm just changing my style to a darker and more serious one. there are too many too much colorful things in my cupboard i need to get rid of. i don't want to be estimated younger than i really am. some people think i'm 13. WTF ? i am 17, okey ? so black doesn't only make slim but older too :D black is a fabulous colour ; black nights ; black cats ; black tights ; black jack ; sirius black ; black paint ; black black black. & what i need too is the grey dropdead sweater. OMG! i loove it ♥ and again: why are all those onlineshops from the UK ? germany just sucks so much >.< what is fashion here ? everybody is just wearing h&m ; everybody is just wearing the same things. it sucks.


i found the most phantastic photography website ever. 
there are so many so unbelievable pictures ;
 lots of inspiration in fashion and photography ;
 just wonderful. take a look at

spacey - photos from

the future.

where is my inspiration ? boredom ; missing time ; tiredness ; pressure . . where is my life ? i'm really looking forward the weekend ; holidays and christmas, time for me to do what i want ; to take some photos ; to draw ; to go snowboarding . . at the moment my life is only learning and writing tests ; trying to plan my future with searching for a fitting course of studies and some internships to test if a particular job is the job of my dreams or not. i tried architecture, it was nice but i couldn't work as an architect . . there are so many rules in germany how to build and how a house should look like so my creativity is so constricted and i couldn't let my ideas fly free, for that i had to go to japan ^-^ NO. architecture isn't the right course of studies. i'm rather thinking of interior design ; photo design or media design. i can't decide so i really have to try all those jobs, i found some agencies but they haven't replied to my requests yet. this waiting makes me kind of sick >.< there are some universities in munich for those courses of studies, they are really unbelievably awesome, some have integrated semesters abroad, but they are all private. so they are about $700-900 a month. how could a normal person pay this ? i hate it. i really have to try to get a scholarship or sth like that . . otherwise my dreams will burst like a soap bubble.

lace-up boots.

i finally got those black lace up boots i wanted so much! they're beautiful ♥ i bought them at pimkie, a kind of mainstream shop, but they have really nice and fat scarfes - and shoes ! :D so i'm really happy that i won't have to stump through the snow with chucks anymore. it was cruel, after 3 minutes my feet felt like ice cubes and it took hours to get them warm again. maybe i'll buy a pair of those 'UGG-boots' too. they're really warm and fluffy and cuddly ♥ 

inimitably birdbrained.

waking up and seeing this big white blanket of powder snow and knowing you won't be able to go snowboarding is so depressing. i also had to learn for my history and social studies test on monday. what a boring day. so while learning something about a little ice age i thought about snowboarding again and decided to grab my board and go outside . . i would find a small hill somewhere in my village, white and snowy village. so i dressed up ; pants ; scarf ; beanie ; jacket ; gloves ; boots and went outside. not even 200 meters and i foud a very interesting hill with a kind of little stage to jump down. perfect. the first runnings were horrible. i fell down a lot. and climbing up and riding down - up and down - up and down - up - down - up - down is soo exhausting. but i stood some tricks in the end and i'm a little bit safer again in riding so it was worth it. you might think now i'm a complete freak - you're right. but what would life be without a pinch of freakiness ? it would be grey and boring. nothing else. maybe the people around you think you're a bit insane, so what ? 
'haters make me famous' - ALEX EVANS


while searching for a city guide for barcelona i discovered a fabulous website called it offers city guides for thirteen metropolises worldwide. Amsterdam, Barcelona, Berlin, Cape Town, Copenhagen, Ibiza, London, Miami, Milan, Paris, Sao Paulo, Shanghai & Vienna. You get some information about shops, food, hotels, special events & activities is really wonderful, all special and stylish shops i've been searching for so long are listed there! Barcelona is a beautiful city, i really can't wait to get there in summer ♥


last night was a brilliant night. michelle, a friend of mine, had her 17th birthday party with campfire on snow and vodka on ice. oh it is really a long time ago when i got SO drunk last time. totally lost control over my body ; my brain & everything. i couldn't stop laughin, i wasn't able to take pictures without shaking the camera but it was such a wonderful evening, my girls were with me and the night didn't feel so cold anymore. in the end my lovely girl Mona and i couldn't stop talking shit anymore. we talked & sang & laughed & . . 
two friends - two gloves - two friends - to gloves - high five !

Photos taken with HOLGA 120 GCFN


winter - taken with holga - photos from


what is time? the clock's ticking ; the human's heartbeat ; the water's dropping? i only know that 24h/day are not enough. i need more time for drawing ; photography & creativity. but this damn thing called school doesn't want me to have more. ._. the night is getting day for me. when i'm going outside the house it's dark because the sun hadn't raised yet & when i'm coming home it's dark again because the sun already went down. that's so depressing. darkness, cold and lonely darkness is everywhere around me.


today at 6:45am i unsuspectingly went outside the house going to school & what must i see ? SNOW. white and fluffy snow falling from the sky. a dark and grey sky. i can't decide whether hating or loving it. I hate snow if it's getting wet and slushy and brown and your shoes get wet and your hair gets damaged and your pants are ruined. But i love snow if it's a bright ; cold and shining day and the snow covers the world like a big and quiet blanket so everything looks like beeing decorated with powdered sugar. And i love it 'cause i can go Snowboarding after more than a half year of waiting again. i'm really addicted to it so i buy all those snowboardmagazines in summer. that makes me feel better.i won't stop practicing some tricks this winter so i'll get a little bit better ;D snowboarding is so fascinating. i'm admiring all those guys and girls who are able do some really spectacular tricks.


The most important; the best; the most incredible; unbelievable; amazing; lovely; wonderful; cutest person i ever meet: Julia ♥ She is my best friend and that since 1998. i'll never forget the day i saw her first. it was the 5th birthday of vicky and we spent the day with hide & seek and eating cake. i have only one photo of this day and this photo is so unbelievable. it is the first photo of us and we didn't know each other but we already sat side by side. After that day we never lost sight of each other. we went to kindergarden together and then something incredible happend: we incidentally meet in mallorca. OMG! that was the best holiday i ever had. i was plashing around in the pool (i couldn't swim at this time so i had to wear those ugly swimmies ^-^) and suddenly i saw a familiar person & said: ' mom? is that julies mom ? ' and mom sad: ' no. . that isn't possible ' but that woman was ' julies mom '. and we, as we were cute little kids, one with light blond hair and one with dark brown hair, had the best summer ever. we plashed and jumped and danced and swam and had fun together all the days ♥ back in germany we went to elementary school together for four years but then our ways should separate. we went to different schools but our friendship is stronger than the difference. we expirienced so many; so hilarious; amazing and stunning things together.we camp; party; drink; shop; laugh; hang around; watch tv; swim; dress up; drive around; skate on the ice; take photos; eat and live 12 years of friendship we never had an argument and this friendship will be until forever. we will sit together at the coffee table when we're old and grey-haired grannies and talk about our fabulous past we had together. my greatest wish is that we will never lose our strong and endless friendship ♥ it's more than friendship, it's love

Drop Dead.

Another wonderful online store: Drop Dead . i really love their brain/kittehs and their photomanipulated/graphic designed tees ♥ seems a little bit emo maybe but those clothes are absolutely awesome *-* and again: i would give everything to visit the london store. AAh. i really have to visit london. it's such a wonderful city and all those fabulous stores. i could spend months there and it wouldn't get boring. LONDON - city of my dreams. but not only london. i would love to visit NEW YORK and TOKYO. i will travel to tokyo in the future, that's for sure. you know, i'm addicted to all this japanese stuff & maybe i'll die in tokyo because of soo much cute stuff. No, my purse will die. 


i really have to post more photos on this blog. i think it looks a bit drab right now.more coulours - more lightheartedness. oh i love this word ; just found it while thinking about what to write here . .  a light heart is a happy heart. that's true. there are so beautiful expressions ; it's much easier to say something in english than saying it in german. i hate the german language. it's so stiff and kind of square. english is soft and flowing. that's the reason why i'm writing in english. everyone can understand & english is soo much more lovely than german. i love those long/strange/old words like gloomy ; paranormal ; obscureness . . oh that reminds me of mori chacks 'gloomy bear' . . its an absolutely cute japanese pink bear that kills & eats people. it's kind of macabre but i love him anyway ♥


yesterday i bought a beige/grey/dusky pink coloured swallow scarf ♥ i love those black swallows printed on it.. some time ago i was wondering if i should get a swallow tattoo at my chest. i really would love to have some ink under my skin until forever . and one is for sure: after about one and a half year of waiting i'll take my best friend to a tattooer & we'll both get a little black star at our wrists to remind the wonderful days we had in more than 12 years friendship and to make the promise that this friendship will be forever ♥ she's the most important person in my life and living without her would be only pain. an other tattoo i really would love to have is a little moustache at one of my fingers . . so if i hold it in front and above my mouth it would look like a 'real' moustache *-*


maybe you're wondering why i called the URL ' theslushybrain '  that's easy to explain: my brain is a slushy brain ; some really strange thoughts hide there & i love those blue or green or pink drinks called 'monster slush' i love drawing brains. that sounds a little bit weird maybe, but if you doodle something you can always fill some white space just with brain. pink & wiggling brain.


i thought a bit about this lookbook thing & had a great idea: what about posting looks in different styles, like the Nerd ; the Gothic ; the Lomographer ; the Japanese School Girl ; the Scene ; the Grunge ; the Shopaholic & so on . . i think my personal dress style is the cross between scene ; street & fashion but first of all dark. so i thought i could show all those different sides of myself, split up in their original look.


some basics from h&m i absolutely need & so i just ordered them. a dark grey top with buttons ; the grey sweatshirt ; a long grey cardigan & a black longsleeve with buttons . & i love h&m. they always have some real nice basics & i nearly buy all my basics there.. if i had money i probably would buy them at american apparel but i haven't. it's very expensive here in germany but it is soo nice . they sort their shirts according to the rainbow colours.. OMG! thats maybe the biggest reason why i'm loving it *-* so i'm gonna post some photos, like a 'look of the day' and then you can see how those fabulous things look like d: today i spent my whole day with drawing and some things like that so i'm really tired now.. but that doesn't keep me from writing some shit in here..^-^ yesterday i recognized that my posts get longer and longer but maybe the reason is that i don't care what people think about it anymore .. i write lots of strange things here & i hope i don't bore you with this <(^^<) so my plans for the future are: more looks ; more photos ; more sites ; more more ; more ! oh. i nearly forgot: i planned a stupid little youtube-series called 'peter maffis' it'll launch maybe in 3 months [ you have to watch it ! ] ♥

glamour kills.

another wonderful online store : Glamour Kills . i love their photo&graphic designed tees & i absolutely want to order something . . if there weren't those unbelievable high shipping costs. /= it's not fair. why am i not living in USA ? all the wonderful things come from there.. Germany Kills !


YAY! i finally ordered this grey sweatshirt.. i really wanted one because i love them & there are some really nice ways of wearing it .. with some black tights or those ripped pants. i really like how caro wears it . [ left ] i found this look on . it's an absolutely fabulous site ; you can get inspiration ; post your looks ; get to know people & talk about fashion. i really love it ♥ but i wasn't brave enough to post my first look.. i need a 'photoshoot' ! maybe i should ask my bestie . oh yey.. that's a wonderful idea if boredom has catched us once more & we can't do something else as watchin' featherbrained youtube videos like 'Hot Potato' [ but i love this cuuute little burning potato d: ] or 'ASDF-Movie' [ die potato ! ] oh.. i just recognized i love all those videos featuring potatoes (: but back to my original theme: what should i do ? i'm afraid that i won't get some hypes & that my looks totally disappear. maybe you have some tips for me how to launch a successful new look ;D


YAY! it's going to be a dark ; scary ; bloody ; stunning ; hilarious ; lunatic 31th october's's halloween today & i'm soo looking forward having a great evening & night with my girls. horror movies ; delicious food ; a little bit to drink & those wonderful people, that's what a perfect day is like ♥

analogue dreams.

OMG! i got my first HOLGA photos today ; freshly developed & 'yay' they're sooo beautiful. i love those 'special effects' of the colour flash & i'm so happy . you know i'm addicted to all this japanese stuff & this wonderful tiny plastic camera is so absolutely cute & analogue photography is maybe a bit oldfashioned but : ' the future is analogue !' i'm a photography addicted girl & you can't imagine this feeling when you put your film roll into this bag and then you've to wait & wait & wait and then the big day is here and you open the bag & you look at your pictures & you think: 'oh what's that ?' cause none of your pictures looks like you would have expected it.


drawing is my hugest passion. i draw everyday ; everywhere & everything . i Love Love Love it (: everytime i'm bored i just take a pencil and draw ; drawing makes me calm when i'm furious ; it makes me happy when i'm depressed ; it can express love ; hate ; motion ; silence ; music & atmosphere .
Drawing is the honesty of art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad - SALVADOR DALI
the left one is one of my latest creations.i drawed it while listening to 'burning in the skies' by linkin park. it expresses the atmosphere and all those beautiful symbols of the songs, like 'and we will make to be apart like seperate chambers of the human heart'  that's one of my favourtite songs at the moment ♥


introducing: the best band on earth breathe carolina ♥ i love their electro + screamo / metal mix & those colorful videos - so adorable (: why do all wonderful things come from the UK ?! babycakes ; breathe carolina ; drop dead ; red busses ♥

Here's to you glorify my darlings , are you satisfied ? Here's to criticize my darling , are you satisfied ?You build me up just to break me down, You're being loud without a sound, You paste me in just to cut meout, Hello Fascination. You've dug my grave but i pushed you in it, I didn't give life to you, But you took itfrom me, But now i'm taking it back, I know you wanna push me. You're questioning the answers of the faithyou've put in me - hello fascination 


saying it and offending sensibilities of someone else or saying it not and always having a burden of souls - what is worse ? 


do you know babycakes ? it's one of the cutest online fashion shops & i absolutely love it. colorful ; sweet ; plastic ; beep ; flash ; bubble
OhMG! i would give everything just to visit the bbycks original store in manchester..
you really have to take a look on the website it's soo wonderful and OMG! i could just talk all the day about babycakes, babycakes, babycakes. *-*


music expressed in art.
it's a different way of showing emotions linked to music or sounds. music & art , this is the topic of my art course. i'm asked to do photography ; a drawing or painting ; build a sculpture or a kind of machine to express what music means to me .. but i've to say: i really can't decide what i should do..
"music machine" is my favourite so far. i love the idea of going to buyback centre ; taking all those old metal or wooden things & putting them together to a sound or music making machine. maybe a sound ; music and painting making machine.


i'm insane 'cause i've got lots of strange hobbies.
i'm collecting japanese erasers ; plastic toy figures ; hello kitty & super mario handy charms ; old analogue cameras ; souvenir coins ; chewing gum papers & stickers.
i'm arranging all my pencils according to the rainbow colors.
i love drawing ; photography ; doing handicrafts ; watching people ; snowboarding & spacy activities with my cuties ♥
i'm addicted to donuts. [ dunkindonuts rules ! ]
today my fortune cookie said:
" a good conscience is a deep sleep "
& this yummie little cookie wants to say to me : don't lie.
my world isn't as easy as yours , petty yellow chinese cookie !


time to introduce:
i'm a 17 year old pseudojapanese school girl with chocolate brown hair & splotchy greenish brown eyes.
i absolutely love marshmallows black cats drop dead sushi cupcakes holga the night sky babycakes darkness deep ocean donuts photography brown hair the snow friends city lights black hearts & white paper.
i absolutely hate bananas.
"and we will make to be apart / like separate chambers of the human heart" Linkin Park